Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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