Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
