You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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