i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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