you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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