If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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