I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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