Just fell off a train. Bad.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
