So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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