his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
