Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
