This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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