You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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