Don't make out with my wife yet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
