I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
