I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it because I queefed?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
True strength comes from lack of pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
