my mouth tastes like poor choices
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
