i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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