I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
