you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
