Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
