Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i think i just lost a toe
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