I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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