Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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