i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
