every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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