My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I checked into jail on foursquare
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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