I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
