Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
