my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
