Soap is not a condiment
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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