remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
