If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
