he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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