im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
