the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
