my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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