so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
