i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
