ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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