thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk is not a location!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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