How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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