he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
