Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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