We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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