Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
