my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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