I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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