Four minutes until I can fart!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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