When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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