If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
