Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
