he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
