the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
