you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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