I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
