If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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