I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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