Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dicks are not precious.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
