Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
