I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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