I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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