if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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