she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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