I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
