Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
