So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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