He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
