If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
