Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
