I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
