i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
