Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
