I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
