i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
