Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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