It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
