WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
