also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
