I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
