There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
