no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
