Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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