Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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