i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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