I smell stomach acid.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
