She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
