hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
