"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
