Will you blow on my dice?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
