so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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