I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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