Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
im on a boat
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