"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
