there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
