Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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