I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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