I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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