I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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