it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
