i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this beer tastes like vomit already
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
