i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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