so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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