Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
